Zumba...NOT

I have a co-worker who is also a part-time Zumba instructor. She is so physically fit and so lean and toned...I hate her. Just kidding. Maria is a wonderful person with a delightful sense of humor and a great work ethic. She has more energy than any 3 people I know. Anyway, Maria has nagged me for months to come to one of her classes. I am convinced that she just wanted me there for comic relief. Finally, yesterday, she held a class just for co-workers at a facility across the street from our clinic. Because I think so highly of her and wanted to be supportive, I agreed to go.

The 20 or so of us gathered in clothing of varying levels of hilarity. Maria led us in a warm up session, described the upcoming dance moves, and then began a Zumba session. I lasted exactly 4 minutes and 12 seconds. The problem was not the cardio portion. I didn't have a problem with the flexibility requirements; I do pretty well for an old broad. The problem was that I am, and always have been, rhythmically challenged. When everyone else was moving left, I was moving right. When the group clapped their hands, I was always clapping half to a full beat later (did you ever see Jane Fonda do the "tomahawk chop" at a Braves game? If not, ask someone older to describe it to you).

I have heard that the definition of insanity is to repeat the same actions expecting a different result. If that's true, I am truly insane. To wit, I took tap dance lessons with my two sisters thinking it would be fun. I was (am) so uncoordinated that I had to move out of state so I could leave the class without losing face. Same thing for the disco lessons in Texas. See? I keep hoping that with age I will improve. So far not so much.

After almost breaking a sweat I gathered my (unused) towel, my (unused) water bottle, my car keys and what was left of my dignity. I went to Captain D's where I drowned (no pun intended) my sorrow in a fish and shrimp platter. I don't know why I can't lose weight. Heavy sigh.