I need a maid...and other things

I absolutely CANNOT keep up with housework, laundry, shopping, bill-paying, and working so one of my early New Year's resolutions is to engage the services of a part-time maid or cleaning service. (If the punctuation in the previous sentence is not correct, sue me.) I may have to sell a kidney to accomplish it, but I think it will be worth it. (I mean, after the post-op pain subsided. Oh wait, I could be on DRUGS!)

How and when did we all become so busy? I remember (vaguely and fondly) when I used to be able to read for pleasure, watch television, play video games, quilt, go bowling, whatever...and my house was reasonably clean. Now I live in constant fear that the environmental health services is going to condemn my house. I don't even cook much anymore because the three of us (TWOPM, Tink, and I) are seldom there at the same time. The only reason I will turn on the oven for just myself is for a baked potato, but I don't often think of it an hour before I'm hungry.

As I was sitting here contemplating engaging the services of a maid, I realized that I would probably work myself into an absolute frenzy before she arrived just so I would not be embarrassed by my filthy house. TWOPM says that is a "typically female response." I have instructed TWOPM and Tink to set the house on fire (with me in it) if I should die before a) I clean it, or b) I get a maid.

I would love to simplify my life; any suggestions?

Hitting the head on the nail

I've not been very festive the past few Christmases, but I thought I would make an attempt this year. Last year my mother-in-law was in intensive care (she subsequently died on January 10th) and so Christmas was a low-key affair (okay, non-existent) at our house. It seems that my 20 year old daughter is still young enough to want decorations, etc. at Christmas time. Anyway, I thought this year I would do better. I went into the attic and hauled down boxes and boxes of decorations (most of them sad and bedraggled) and our artificial Christmas tree. If you are familiar with Jeff Foxworthy, you know the expression "You might be a redneck if...." As we were putting up the tree, TWOPM (The World's Only Perfect Man) said, "You might be a redneck if your Christmas tree is held together with baling wire and duct tape" (and ours is; we must be the consummate rednecks). On my last trip into the attic, I rummaged around looking for the tree skirt. I straightened up rather quickly and SMACK! I drove one of the nails from the new roof directly into the top of my head. Don't worry; my tetanus shots are up-to-date, and it didn't penetrate the skull. It was, however, enough to make me say, "Bah humbug!" once again. Hope your decorating is uneventful!